I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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