I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
