I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
