my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
