a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
