I must be too annoying 4 u.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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