i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
