not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
