I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
