dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
