Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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