Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
