after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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