Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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