It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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