maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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