If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
