if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
