my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
