I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
