What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
