sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
