He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
