I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
