it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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