If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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