Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
