So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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