I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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