looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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