it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize