I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
