I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
