Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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