your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
