ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
