At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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