thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
there is glitter all over my balls
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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