i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
