Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
