I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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