I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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