he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
