Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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