Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
