just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
