he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
