I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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