Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
