Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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