OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
