When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
