I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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