just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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