i wish peter jackson would direct porn
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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