I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
