I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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