he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
