Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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