Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize