____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
