i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just had sex bonerless
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
