She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it glows. i had to have it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
