while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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