I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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