I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
