Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
