Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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