Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
