she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
