True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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