i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
