mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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