dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
