Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
