I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
