So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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