I hate all girls vehemently.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize