Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
