I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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