the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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