Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
