there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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