i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
