she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
