that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
