just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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