So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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