Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize