She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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