Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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