I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
