Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
