i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize