Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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